Last Time, at Gaming Hell Headquarters...
20th May, 2014
HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY, GAMING HELL!
It's another year, but we're still putting that old ENEMY OF THE STATE joke here, because it's tradition at this point. Nice bit of variety this year, including a page in the works before the site even existed, our first DATA EAST game, our first N64 game, the first of hopefully a few Metal Slug articles, and even what amounts to an on-site arcade review for once. We also started one of the more popular pages, all about guest characters. Finally, we tried in vain to fix the Touhou section, but it can't all be good news, can it? Good work, team. Solid effort. Also from the 'solid effort' pile is the fact that I fixed all the sound files! This was a problem for several months, apparently, but we were alerted to this fact via email, and so you can now listen to the sound effects in the Zombie Raid pages again! We apologise if this inconvenienced anyone. I mean, maybe like two people, but it had to be fixed.
Anyway, an update nearly didn't happen this year! I caught a nasty head-cold that I've recovered from (sadly my Editor lacks guts of steel, so he's still got it- he's hogging the Buttercup Syrup as I speak) and the article I had in mind (the arcade version of Point Blank 2) was going absolutely nowhere. But then, as if it was a sign, the Vita version of Phantom Breaker: Battle Grounds was revealed to be heading to the West. Such an opportunity we could not ignore, and so we dug out something we had sitting around for ages, just waiting for the right time... The Phantom Breaker Timeline. This chronicles the saga of Phantom Breaker's non-release in the US, with all the confirmed release dates it missed and the explanations given by 7Sixty, its now-apparently-defunct publisher. I thought it may have been a little mean-spirited, BUT then I asked Twitter and they were all YES PLZ. I know that Gaming Hell is mostly devoted to disappointing everyone, but, well, here you go.
Anyway... Here's to at least another year of hassling my editor, playing games on television screens, and being the strongest website in the world!
Also, we updated a few of the older pages, thusly:
* Guest Characters - Again! Forever! Always!
* Psycho Soldier - Just a few changes here and there. Mostly to be a little less harsh to poor Athena. Oh dear.
* The Outfoxies - Fixed the Japanese version pictures at the end and changed some words here and there.
I must stop tinkering with some of the older pages. It's just, ah, I find them kinda embarrassing! It's surprising how much the site's tone has changed over the years, I guess- older stuff tends to be, I dunno, angrier and not as funny/entertaining now. What do you lot reckon?
5th April, 2014
Just something quick for the rest of this month- a look at the Taito Qix Gallery, starring women in various costumes. Mostly put together as an excuse to talk about Twin Qix!
1st April, 2014
[This is Ed the Editor speaking. 'Tis the season to be foolish. Yes, it's April Fools' Day again. Yes, I'm playing a shit game again. But in a break from tradition, I don't actually do that much of the playing! And so, presented to you is two prats trying to play Back To The Future Part III for your sick amusement. See you next year, jerkchickens! - Ed]
29th March, 2014
Oh, how cute! You ignored the warning on the front page, and strut about thinking you're ready for this month's article, don't you? You're not. There's just no way. Do your best to prepare for the 80s-action-movie-in-a-video-game experience that is BLOODY WOLF. Bless you, Data East, wherever you are.
Of course, we also took the time to fix some old pages, like so:
* Guest Characters - I'm pretty sure I updated this, anyway. Probably.
* Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA f - This has got to be the last time this page gets updated. I know I said that last time, but... Basically, the Vita version came out in the US and EU, so we added that, got all the dates and prices for the DLC correct, and made some little tweaks here and there. The next time you hear about Miku on this site, it'll have to be about Project DIVA F 2nd, surely...? Speaking of, F 2nd has been confirmed for a Western release- something even I didn't see coming- and this time it'll be a retail release in Europe, apparently! Also, Haku's been confirmed as DLC again so I won't be giving the game 0/5 out of spite for leaving her out. Please look forward to our review this
* N64 Magazine Tribute - A few extra scans added, including TripleSix Snowboarding and Blast Corrs.
* The Fairyland Story - Added a brief note about the adorable-looking mobile version of the game.
* Fighters Megamix - Our little page was used as a resource for SegaBits' This is Saturn episode on Fighters Megamix. It's a video and everything! More importantly, the person who made this pointed out some of the codes on our Secrets page were wrong- specifically the ones for Pandachan's Domain and the After Burner cameo. They're fixed now.
* Fighting Vipers - The one problem with this site is I always forget when I've mentioned that I've updated things or not. Anyway, we've now added screenshots from the PS2 and XBLA versions of Fighting Vipers, and reader Jake sent in some info about proto screenshots of the arcade game, so we added that too.
... Oh, that's right, Didn't do anything for February. Decided to skip that month for a little vacation from this 'orrible little hole. On the plus side, I took that time (sort-of) to make a new logo for the site. The old one- that is to say, the old and shit one- was a bit of a hack job, taking the Galaga 3 logo and making it look terrible. This new one's made from scratch, but based on the logo for Taito's obscure puzzler, Puzznic. Also during my time off, the most Gaming Hell photograph ever happened.
Finally, this doesn't have much to do with anything, but we've got fanart again! This time it's something a little different. Ultra Powerful Pal of Gaming Hell, HokutoNoShock, came up with a Soul Calibur V custom character of our mascot, Sarah S. Sowertty. And a fine job he did too! Here's the screenshots below, including two non-canon shots of... Well, you'll see.
14th January, 2014
70 years from now, we'll be in the iron grasp of the Robotrons. Until then, we'll talk about video games. This month, Puyo Puyo Box! Kind-of an unusual one, this. Please enjoy?
21st December, 2013
My God, it's been a while since we've had a good long moan about a video game. Metal Slug 4 takes up the slack, then, This is one that I'm guessing a lot of people have heard of, but a friend on The Twitters (@madamluna) mentioned that our site did not have any Metal Slug stuff. We've had something about this game festering on our hard-drive for a while, so... Why not? Let's go for it and MOAN A LOT ABOUT GAMES. That's what we're here for, isn't it? Anyway, I hope you enjoy.
More updates! Forever, updates!
* Guest Characters - Yep, still adding to this! Please look on and enjoy these cameos.
* Momoko 120% - From this forum thread, we discovered more Momoko 120% games! Mobile ones! That we've got pictures of! Also, we added a note about MediaKite's proposed Online Arcade Game Centre service which would've finally had a legal home version of Momoko 120%. Except it didn't happen. SAD FACE.
5th November, 2013
Hm? Again? Well, just a quick thing. Guest Characters in Games! One of those pages we'll keep updating forever, like. Enjoy.
3rd November, 2013
Pop n' Pop. Lots of tiny details about Pop n' Pop, including Checkmate Mode, Story Mode and Taito references therein. That's all I have to say about this one.
On the plus side, while this has nothing to do with anything, really, I decided to commission some fanart of this site's little mascot, Sarah S. Sowertty. Internet pal madamluna delivered:
10th October, 2013
God-damn, you know what? Flushing those Touhou Time articles felt good, man. Like picking off a nasty scab. Unfortunately, it felt so good that we skipped updating the site for the rest of September. Yes. That's the excuse. In truth, massive incompetence got in the way (as it tends to do round these parts) so I hope you can forgive us. Anyway, for the spooky season of October, we present to you Splatterhouse 2. Splatterhouse Poo more like, tee hee hee! Nah, kidding, it's worth at least 3 stars. Not as much as the first. Can't imagine why.
As ever, we've updated old pages:
* Double Target - Damn, this one had a lot of spelling errors! But they're gone now.
* Fighters Megamix - Added notes on the Game.Com version of the game. Ha ha ha!
* Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon - Cleaned up some of the jokes. God, these pages are bad! Not bad enough to be flushed, though...
6th September, 2013
Ah, the Touhou Project page. Behold, in all its incompetent glory, Gaming Hell's folly. When I started that section, you see, I had plans. Big plans! As with everything I do, it didn't pan out. There's little point in trying to be a hub of information on the series when literally every other Touhou site on the face of the internet blows it out the water. This is not a task for one person.
So I've edited the intro page, touched up some bits in the Perfect Cherry Blossom playthrough and removed the Touhou Time articles. Had to have a big think about the last one, but let's face it, they were beyond saving, even with Ed's magical editing abilities. They were A Bit Shit, amazingly ignorant in some aspects (Doujin games? What are they?), overly aggressive towards the fanbase, and honestly, fucking embarassing to read. Whenever someone linked to it, I always felt a combination of shame and extreme shame, so I think it's time to put this dog to rest. You can find the information on those pages from other sources, ones that do not contain the sentence "jerks you'd never tire of hitting with a frying pan".
As for whether the Touhou section will ever be updated... Who knows? Who cares? I don't. I'm going to have a cup of tea now, so please, join me, and mourn not the loss of three rather crap pages of the strongest website. Let's draw a line in the sand and look forward to articles on other video games!
On the plus side, we udpated some of the nicer pages:
* City Connection - First, a bit of ego-stroking, someone on a message board (yo selectbutton, how you doin') described this page as "almost certainly the most comprehensive City Connection article on the internet" <3 <3 <3 Not much added, save for a full colour version of @supcat's rad as hell fanart, and character artwork of the new dudes from City Connection Rocket. I know Clarice wears a variety of costumes in that game, but you'll have to wait until I get my head around mobage emulation. Is it even possible?
* Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA f - This one again? Yes, again. The section on the PS3 game has been updated with actual details beyond 'Well, I played the demo, like' and, critically, the English localisation is now covered. Additionally, there's info on Music Girl: Hatsune Miku, an iOS communcation app meant to tie in with Project DIVA f (which, for the English version, has hilarious results), probably the last bit of DLC for the game, and a very small, well-hidden Sega reference in the credits mini-game. Hopefully this is the final alteration to this page- it's by far the longest single page on the site. Phew.
* Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA 2nd - This one too? This is quite an important change, actually-
while Dimps were involved (STEALTH EDIT (11/10/2013): AHAHAHA OH MY GOD I finally realised that the logo when the game starts up is not for Dimps but for Dingo Inc.! Fucking hell, no wonder I had no idea! That'll teach me to not put my reading glasses on.) it seems the primary developer of the three PSP Project DIVA games is actually a company called Dingo Inc., also known for the portable PhotoKano games and the upcoming Love Live! rhythm game. They're credited with 'planning and general development', you see. So, we've deftly edited this article to reflect that. How strange...?
3rd August, 2013
It's been a while since we flat-out missed a month for updates, isn't it? Ah, well there's a reason. We ran out of bandwidth last month, you see. I have no idea how it happened- personally, I suspect it was someone hotlinking images from the Puyo Puyo Library, or perhaps it was my own incompetence, or maybe Ed traded our bandwidth in for some magic beans. In any case, no point updating when no-one can see it, eh? So, this month, we have our first N64 game, and something a bit different- Castlevania. Yes, the 3D one. Please, read and enlighten yourself about how busting vampires works in the dreaded third dimension.
Another handful of updates too, mostly adding cameos and minutia:
* Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA f - Once again, I need to turn in my Sega Fan card as I have brought shame upon myself. Another Sega cameo I missed in this series! Aggghh! This was pointed out by Twitter follower @GRSonic- Luka's Fairy Princess of the Forest costume is actually taken from Shining Blade. So that's been added to this page. Still don't know dick about the Shining series. Apologies. Incidentally, expect a huge update to this page around August when the localised version appears- there are minor differences! We know this already!
* The Fairyland Story - Lots of minutia added- to the main article, we now have a sort-of source for the rumours of the cancelled Famicom port, shots of the game's instruction card and a figure of Ptolemy that appeared at Summer Wonder Festival 2000, and on the cameos page, we've now got the ones from Arkanoid DS (if you can call it a cameo) and Daifugo Party/Millionaire Party, an i-mode-based card game.
* Märchen Maze - A long-standing omission has been rectified, courtesy of Ragey0 of Random Hoohaas- he helped us unlock the secret characters in Family Tennis Advance, including Alice, so that's been added to the final page. Also, added a tiny note about the frankly baffling Labyrinthus Magi Madoka Maze. You know exactly what this is, don't you?
27th June, 2013
A very small update today. We were asked to get screengrabs of all the move lists from the bizarre All Star Fighters on the PS2, which brings together Simple 2000 Series characters like EDF Guy, Aya from Oneechanbara and Deathdoll Kikashi from Splatter Master. So there you are. Enjoy?
9th June, 2013
If I hadn't put that XEXEX page up, then I could claim I'm going for a theme for the next few months. Last time it was Iron Tank, this time it's chopper-conflict action in Sega's rather underwhelming Air Rescue. Not the best arcade game put out by one of my favourite companies, but hey, you can't win 'em all. Contains bonus Phot-O-Time with the arcade cab I practiced on. You can't ask for more than that, can you?
Also, more updates, because why not:
* Let's Gaming Tat - The Art Dump - A new 'persistent' section of Let's Gaming Tat has appeared! You know, stuff like the Puyo Puyo Library and Miscellaneous Tat- pages that I update periodically. In this case, the new arrival is the Art Dump. People on The Twitters like my MS Paint scrawlings, for whatever reason, so I'm going to be keeping them here from now on. There's two main 'bits', really- the Gallery of Games (just a half-circle picture frame showin' a game) and my old Twitter icons. Enjoy! Excite!
* Yohko Ishino - Let's face it- this article was dogshit. Complete steaming garbage (although probably acceptable for print on, to name an example, < insert the name of your least favourite video game news website here >). So I've combed through it and made it less shiiiiit.
* Zombie Panic in Wonderland - Added some extra tidbits on the iPhone version, including the Christmas costumes and Gallery mode.
In other news pertinent to Gaming Hell, guess what game's getting a localisation? That's right,
Megpoid the Music Project DIVA F! It's confirmed, and all that. Just the PS3 version, mind, but still! The violent rhythm battle is heading to you, America and Europe! Prepare yourselves adequately! [I'm going to go hibernate until this blows over. Bloody Vocaloid nonsense. I mean seriously what's the point if you can't even play as miki goddamnit - Ed] That'd legally be impossible! You don't really know anything about Vocaloids, do you, Ed? [NO. AND I SHALL CONTINUE TO BE BLISSFULLY IGNORANT. - Ed]
29th May, 2013
Just a tiny little thing as an extra for this month- a chart with version differences for XEXEX. I made this years ago for a full XEXEX article that, well, nothing ever happened with. So I cleaned it up and here we are. Hopefully it's useful.
You want to keep going...? Click here for Year 5: The Year of Sadness
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