Righto, to the next set of levels then. The theme is fluffy toys.



Set against a somewhat unnerving backdrop of dead-eyed teddy bears, with gigantic fluffy things forming most of the platforms, the Fluffy Toy World is... Unique. Unfortunately, the background teddies use a similar colour palette to Pond himself, so it's sometimes a pain to actually see where you are on the screen- a big oversight exclusive to the Mega Drive version, as the Amiga original (and the SNES version, oddly enough) uses a bizarre neon pink backdrop instead. The first stage of this world is also pretty aggravating. You have a choice- do you make your way up the gigantic fluffy staircase, hop across some moving platforms (with a few leaps of faith thrown in here and there for variety) to get to the top...



... Or, do you brave the left part of the screen, where you can stretch up to get to the high ledge, after trying (and inevitably failing) to kill the Paper Card Birds that exist solely to annoy the hell out of you? The birds here are difficult to get to unless you kill them all in the same attempt, and trying to stretch past them fails- if they touch you, you won't get hurt, but you'll fall back to the bottom. You could also use the Paper Card Birds as platforms if you were really masochistic, as it's perfectly possible, but why would you bother?



Whichever path you choose, your reward is a series of tricky jumps across more fluffy platforms- mess it up and you'll have to start again, wheeee!- and then some general platform negotiation before reaching the exit, a section which includes several dead-ends that, while filled with worthless tat to pick up to add to your score, aren't very easy to get out of... Until you remember that this is no ordinary platformer. You'll be using Pond's stretching ability to get out of these pits, so don't forget it.

I'll level with you- this world wouldn't be so bad if the teddy bears didn't creep me out so much.



There's still 2 more stages of bear-related tomfoolery to go, though. The next one isn't very interesting either, although these spike pits at the beginning are easy to get trapped it- if you get caught under the platforms, you'll die a swift death. Once again, the Paper Card Birds are your nemeses, and you either have to kill them with extreme prejudice and stretch up, or use them as leaping pads. You'll need to do something to get up to the alcoves in this stage, only one of which lets you progress. The others are filled, of course, with useless tat, but on the plus side, at least picking up said useless tat gives you points, because the score in this game actually serves a purpose- every 500000 points gives you an extra life. Huzzah!



Ah, what luck, there's a secret Exit Pole here, but not even super-stretchy Pond can reach it. What a to-do!



En-route to discovering a way to get to that exit, we encounter that London Bus again.

We have no choice but to fight it this time. What could it possibly do to poor Pond?



The answer is simple: it launches tiny, handbag-wielding grannies at him.

As I mentioned in the intro, I rented this game a lot as a kid, but I swear to you, I did not spot this back in the day. Surely, you think I'd remember something as awesomely messed-up as watching a giant, anthropomorphic London bus firing little old women at a fish in a cybernetic suit. Sadly, the grannies don't explode (it would've been an amusing coincidence if they did- later entries in the British-developed Worms series have old women bombs as special weapons) but instead they'll bounce around for a bit before disappearing entirely. Truly, this is one of the defining moments of the game, where you realise that things are very strange down at ol' Santa's workshop, and it helps show that, while Robocod isn't quite the best platformer you'll ever play, it's certainly the most imaginative.



Er, anyway, finding the big trampoline just beyond the London bus leads you to the Wing power-up, letting you get at that BONUS STAGE!!!



OH GOD WHY

That face in the background is incredibly disturbing.

I think I hate this background more than the teddy bears.

pleasemakeitgoaway



Creepy circus front-man or not, we must soldier on- there's lives at stake here, Pond! This bonus stage is pretty easy to suss out- just jump through the walls (they're hollow) and use the cannon (with a face on it) to launch yourself up to the next set of platforms. You'll have to hold the jump button down to make it to the top, as doing nothing doesn't cut it. You won't find much here, except some coins, a few stars and the odd extra life. Ho-hum.



Just don't hold that jump button down for too long- spikes tend to shorten Pond's lifespan somewhat.



The final stage of this world is so utterly devoid of content that I can't even comment on it in my own inimitable rambling fashion- the only thing of note are the little bullet launchers with M emblazoned on the side. They launch out bullets with eyes that certainly don't look anything like Bullet Bills. Not a jot, sir, they don't have arms. Completely different, I'll have you know.



Thank God that world's over with. I never have to see another teddy bear in this game. To the boss!



You liars! I thought we were done with the teddy bears, you fiends!

Since the bosses don't have names given to them, I'm just going to call this guy Peglor the Almighty, because I can't think of a less appropriate name. Peglor here is a ridiculously easy boss, as are all the bosses in the game, with the exception of the final two, and it really couldn't be easier. He starts at the top of the screen and tries to slam into you. Then he'll slowly move back up, and try again. There's only three parts of the screen he'll try to squash you from anyway, and it's just a matter of getting in a safe spot, then hitting him on the head a few times

You can make this already pathetic fight even easier simply by holding down when you jump on Peglor's head- Pond will withdraw into his Expandosuit and fall to the ground like a ten-ton weight. Hitting any enemy like this does extra damage to them, and this also applies to the bosses, so try to use it whenever you can. This move comes in handy a bit later, although its primary use (for me, at least) is to create amusing screenshots with. Seriously, that pose works with nearly every possible screenshot in this game.



Once Peglor bites the bullet, we're done here. Let us never gaze upon the unnatural horror of a teddy bear again.

You'll also be pleased to know that we'll be blasting through the game a little faster from here on. Yay?

We're going to be stuck in this bleedin' toy factory forever, aren't we?!