The sobering yin to the last page's raging yang, the next two worlds are tremendously fun. First up, the Bath Time world.

Yes, you heard me correctly. The Bath Time world.



Well, this is a dilly of a pickle. You can't use the bubbles as platforms, so progress is impossible...

Guess we'll have to use whatever's in that big ol' ? box! It's probably just a plane.



Is that... Are you shitting me?!



Oh, hell yes!

MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB!



MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB!

MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB!

MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB!



MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB!

MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB!

MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB!



DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?!

MAGICAL! FLYING! BATHTUB!

And now for my notes on how this conveyance affects the game. The MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB is basically a different-looking version of the plane, and controls in the same way- hold Jump to ascend, hold Down to descend (duh), and has the same vulnerability- if Pond himself (sporting a very dashing shower cap) gets hit, then you're tossed out, but this rarely happens because there's a real lack of enemies in these stages, and Pond is a much smaller target when he's chillin' in the 'tub. In fact, he's such a small target that you have to try to get hit, which essentially renders you nigh-on invincible while you're flying around in the 'tub.

So yeah, you basically get to coast through 2 whole stages in a MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB.

If that's not worthy of praise, then I'm not fit to say what is.



Alas, after you find the gigantic bathtub, the flying bathtub shenanigans end. It's robbed from you and you're forced to swim through the only underwater stages in the game. Fortunately, they're over nearly as soon as they begin, because the controls underwater are a bit floaty. As with every other video game ever made, of course. Your only enemies are gangster-esque fish who potter around aimlessly, and, er, there really isn't much to say about these stages. They're underwater, they're not very long, they're kind-of lame, and, um, that's it.



The MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB is a very tough act to follow, which is why I won't even bother talking about the final two stages in this world.

They're fun, but not bathtub-style fun.



Next up is the Board Games World, and let me tell you, this world is weird.



Well, it's a bit of a slow starter, that's for sure. The first stage in this world is pretty boring, and it's only noteworthy because of the fact that the enemies really step up their game- they're baying for Pond's blood from the off, and the lethal combination of Mad Cars and Icarus Kids will really put the hurt on you. Although, while we're here, what's the deal with the Icarus Kid anyway? He's not a monster, nor is he some kind of anthropomorphic vehicle/toy/instrument, so why is he attacking Pond? Are they trying to steal Santa's toys for themselves? Is this plot of Dr. Maybe simply a front for a kidnapping operation? Or are the kids in on the whole thing?!

Moral quibbles aside, the stage isn't that long at all, and not very board-game-like in the least.



Oh, and I like this- TMNT and Mickey Mouse t-shirts often show up as points items. It's like Millennium was begging to get sued.



Suddenly, a choice draws near! There's 4 Exit Poles here, which one to choose? Which one to choose?

Right, we'll go with the top one. Can't go wrong with that!



Aw, sod it. Wrong answer.

Yup, getting it wrong sends you back to the start. The correct answer is actually either of the two Exit Poles in the middle.



Anyway, the next level is a bit more along the theme of board games, with Pond making his way across giant dominoes and playing cards (complete with an absurd amount of Joker cards) and, of course, the stage is rife with Paper Card Birds. This means that this stage is one of the few where the enemy choices are actually appropriate, rather than completely random, silly things. Anyway, there isn't much to say about this stage, except that the penguins are in some pretty awkward hidey-holes- they're just a smidgen too high to jump into, so you have to stretch to get at them... And, of course, the Paper Card Birds are out on full force, which makes it really irritating to rescue the penguins because they keep getting in the way.



The next stage, however, kicks the Paper Card Bird carnage into overdrive. It's another vertically scrolling stage, with a somewhat out-of-place chess/draughts motif going on, with giant smiling chess pieces serving as platforms, and giant rolling draughts pieces serving as enemies. Pond has to navigate a series of steep hills, but they're not the problem here. Oh no. The real problem...



... Is the Paper Card Bird infestation going on.

I don't think I need to point this out, but just look- they're everywhere!!

Worse still, they really hug the ceiling here, so killing them is nigh-on impossible.



Mark my words, Paper Card Bird- you'll get what's coming to you.



I see snakes...

I see ladders...

Can you guess what the theme of this stage is, readers?



Yes, it's an entire stage based on the classic board game Snakes and Ladders.

And the only enemies you'll find here are snakes.

Clearly, Robocod is a work of twisted genius to include this stage, and this is why I love it.

This level plays just as it sounds- get up the ladders, and avoid the snakes unless you want to start again. It's a short stage, which is a shame because its gimmick is genuinely entertaining, although the small snakes that attack you often fall from the top of the screen without warning, which is a tiny bit unfair. Aside from that, as short as this stage is, it's quite amusing that a board game's been translated into a video game form in such a literal fashion. I also like to think that it's stages like this that help highlight how completely off the wall and imaginative this game is.

Despite all the shit I was slinging at it on the last page, this game isn't bad, you see?!



The final stage in the Board Games World is amazingly brutal, as it introduces one of the more tenacious enemies you'll encounter- the mini-snowmen. If you jump, they jump. Needless to say, this makes them difficult to hit, but they'll always jump much higher than you, so jumping low makes them easy to fake out. As well as them, you've got giant planes to contend with that like to attack in huge groups, and of course, the Paper Card Birds. For sheer enemy numbers, though, this stage is one of the most difficult to get through in one piece... And I haven't even mentioned the dozens of spike pits on this stage, nor have I told you about the evil, evil 'fake' platforms that lead you directly into the aforementioned spikes. If you've got half a brain, though, you'll figure out which platforms are the fake ones.



Oh, and at the end, don't be a chump and go for the first Exit Pole you see- hop over it for another BONUS STAGE!!!



Another boss door. Hopefully it'll be a bit more interesting than the bosses we've seen up to this point.



Ah, wishful thinking, evidently. This boss is another joke!

I'll be up-front with you- this boss battle isn't very memorable at all. In fact, before I replayed the game to get these screenshots, I'd totally forgotten it was even in here, and I'd done a test run of the game on the original cart just to make sure it was worth covering only a few weeks before. The daft boss name I'm going to pull out of my ass this time shall be Emmaretta the Unspeakable, and her attack pattern is really, really easy. She throws cards at you while moving across the screen like a Space Invader, and... That's it. The platforms to the left and right of the arena let you get high enough to dive-bomb her with ease, so just avoid her cards and stomp her to death.



Like so!

Wonderful time-saving trick, that MAGICAL FLYING BATHTUB stuff. Wonder if I'll get to use it again... Read on to find out!