2008/2009 at Gaming Hell Headquarters...

20th May, 2009
HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, GAMING HELL!
That's right, it's been a whole year since I started this crap-fest, and what have we learned? Absolutely nothing, obviously. To 'celebrate', I've added a few new things. First, I ripped the entire soundtrack of Charlie Ninja, so get it while it's hot either from the article or the Odds and Ends page. Next, there's a new page all about this fine website and my bodacious self, because you demanded it no-one in their right mind would want to know this stuff. Finally, a new Let's Gaming Love article (I need a better name for that section) in the form of Fighting Vipers which comes with loads of extra stuff that you probably don't even need to know.

And as a bonus for those who just can't get enough of me (all 2 of you) I've also added a link to my Retrobates page on the ever-awesome Retro Gamer magazine website. Whereas all the reviews on this website are filled with scorn, the ones over at Retro Gamer are slightly cheerier and marginally more professional (hurr, I'm a writer, don't ya know) so read 'em.

Here's to another year of self-loathing and playing video games that the man doesn't want you to know about.


7th May, 2009
God-damn it! There goes my best joke! Now what game am I going to make of fun of for being permanently trapped in Development Hell?! Yeah, I know this isn't a real update, but this kind-of sucks, because it's one hell of an anti-climax. To mourn the passing of video gaming's longest running joke, you can read a eulogy here. God speed, Duke Nukem Forever. God speed.


30th April, 2009
Ha ha ha, that editor guy thinks he's so funny after his April Fool's update. He won't be laughing so much when I dock his pay, the sarky asshole. Come to think of it, I keep getting mixed up when it comes to figuring out who's the boss between us, but this is irrelevent, as it seems I'm desperately making up for the total lack of stuff I did for March- it's time to tend to the more neglected parts of this trash-heap of the internet. Or, at least, one of them.

That's right- I've finally gone and written something for the 'Guides 'n Stuff' section for once- the first thing I ever assaulted the internet with was a guide on GameFAQs for Super Fantasy Zone for my favourite console, the Mega Drive, but the other week, I played the game again and realised I'd forgotten all my strategies. This new guide is designed to rectify this horrible situation. It's not exactly robust, but it does the job, so read it and learn how to not suck! Also: Arnold Palmer is in there. No, I don't know how that happened either.


1st April, 2009
[It's The Editor here, hence the tiny font. My utterly incompetent cohort, the moron who writes this garbage, said that yesterday he proof-read every article. First off, that's a bare-faced lie- I was the one who spell-checked that claptrap, and yet he takes the credit? Secondly, he didn't even upload half of the corrected pages. Fortunately, I've done that for you today, so you can finally read something decent on this hell-hole of a website. God, this is a miserable job.

Also, I'd just like to make a note- isn't it appropriate that The Tower of Druaga got an article about it on the day before April Fool's Day? Because, you know, only a fool would play it. It's really that bad. Whatever, have a nice April Fool's Day, everybody. I won't, because this is the closest I'll get to pranking someone.
- Ed]


31st March, 2009
Well, swing and a miss. March nearly passed by without me uploading more crap. That would've been terrible, right? To make up for it, at the very last moment, a huge update is approaching fast. Find somewhere to hide! First, a tiny correction from last time- Jaleco ain't dead, baby! I've changed the Momoko 120% article a little to reflect this. Now you're back in the games business, Jaleco, where the hell is my City Connection remake?!

NEXT! I've added a new section with the (hopefully temporary) name of Let's Gaming Love, where I'll be putting shorter, more concise articles. This new approach might be a good thing, considering how all the other articles suffer from acute cases of verbal diaoherra. Let's start off with the terror that is The Tower of Druaga.

NEXT! Since I've been unable to add a new Wretch! Video Games!! article, I've given attention to the other articles, as part of a new initiative I'm calling Operation: Make-This-Website-Not-Suck. The first attack wave of this operation has been completed with this update- every page on the site has been proof-read which means there's less embarassing spelling errors, less crap writing, and more awesome. Of course, no dobut in a month or so I'll end up redoing all of them again, but bear with me on this. Also, I've given the Odds and Ends page a bit of an update- there's stuff for Hard Head 2 and Batman added. More importantly, we now have a 'Random Crap' section, where anything could show up. This month, I've added the hilariously goofy voice samples from the Sega Ages 2500 remake of Space Harrier- 'Get busy, Harrier! Dragonland is screaming!'

NEXT! In preparation for the next article to be added here, I forced asked my lovely assistant, the editor, to whip up a barely functional YouTube page which we'll be using for posting up music from some of the games we cover. Since I'm not done with the next article to arrive, there's only one thing on there at the moment- YouTube doesn't have any videos of the amazing song Shake the Street from Outrun 2006: Coast 2 Coast, but we I corrected that!

Finally, this site is crap, despite my best efforts, but it's nothing that I can't fix. With my fists. Expect changes soon!


1st February, 2009
A few weeks ago, Jaleco, makers of games like Chimera Beast and Ninja Jajamaru-kun, were sold off, effectively shutting their doors. Along with Seta and Free Radical Design, it seems a lot of game companies are closing down... Pretty sad, huh? Oddly enough, I just finished writing about one of their lesser known games, Momoko 120%, so I suppose it's only appropriate I upload it this month in tribute.


11th January, 2009
Happy New Year! Here's to another year where I'll achieve absolutely nothing. Today, I read from my Big Black Book of Horror- Zombie Raid is here, and it's seriously the most violent game ever made. Be afraid.


5th December, 2008
Hey, punk! Learn about the law, OK? Your Iso-Cube is waiting for you, creep, and you can find it on the Judge Dredd page, drokk it! Remember, you break the law... You wind up dead! To speak out of character for a second, this one comes with a huge bunch of soundfiles for you to enjoy, which you can also grab on the new Odds and Ends page.


23rd November, 2008
Yet more clean-up, mostly on the Batman article, but we have a new challenger- Namco's Märchen Maze has appeared! Who will win in this battle between Lewis Caroll and Japan?!


29th October, 2008
Just in time for the end of the month! I cleaned up the update box, and... I am so, so sorry, but I present to you the horror that is Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon. No, really. Get ready to suffer. like G did.


2nd September, 2008
Holy Smokes, viewers, it looks like The Batman has appeared! His arcade-based hunt for justice is not without strife, however... I also took the liberty of doing some general clean-up on the older stuff.


22nd August, 2008
This is Mr. Acme. The Outfoxies has been given a full run-down. Check out the article now. I offer you 150,000 Swiss Francs to do so. Proceed with caution!


24th July, 2008
It very nearly killed me, but now, you too can sample the delights of Insector X. This very special episode of Wretch! Video Games!! does a kickin' rad side-by-side comparison! Isn't that neat? What do you mean, 'no'?!


21st June, 2008
And now, a new addition to Wretch! Video Games!! The awesome Charlie Ninja has been given The Treatment! It's like the Hard Head 2 review except, y'know, nice and polite and gushing.


4th June, 2008
Wow, a guide! Except it's not useful in the least. You can now enjoy a little look at the Parody Mode of Space Invaders DX if you want to click it. Go on, it'll only take about 2 minutes from your life.


2nd June, 2008
By Crom, we have an update! I'm sure all 2 of you are terribly excited. The first real article, a brutal slaying of the truly awful arcade game Hard Head 2, is approaching fast!


20th May, 2008
Gaming Hell begins its assault on the internet. Be on your guard. Very little content at the moment, it more resembles a husk of a site. Practically everything is broken. More next week. Hopefully.

This is as far as you go, weirdo!