That time of the year again, huh? It's midnight as I write this, so April Fools' Day is upon us.
You know the idea by now. I get my editor to play something pretty bad, for everyone's entertainment.
Mostly my own, of course! So, what shall we do this ye-
[YOU SET ME UP!
Ow, damnit, what the hell are you playing at?! That hurt! And speak up, please.
[Oh, alright then. Where was I? Ah, yes.]
[IT WAS ALL BULLSHIT! ALL OF IT! THE 'RENTING THE GAME AS A CHILD', THE WHOLE BUSINESS!]
Settle down, asshole! What's up with you? You're even more annoyed than usual!
[YOU GOT ME TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK! WHY ME?!]
Start speaking in actual words human beings would say, please!
[Last year's April Fools' Day thing about Back to the Future Part III... It was a set-up!]
Now why would you say something like that...?
[That game... It had already been done by The Angry Video Game Nerd. We missed the bandwagon by years.]
... Oh. I, er, forgot. Sorry?
[You made me look like a ruddy dolt.]
To be fair, you don't need my help to do that.
So... What you gonna do about it, old man?
[I'm turning the tables this year, you gutless little punk!]
[You always con me into playing bad games, so I'm gonna make you watch a bad movie!]
[And if you back out, I'll never let you live it down!]
Oh brother. Does this not strike you as well-worn territory?
[Just wait till you see what films I've got. That'll wipe the smile off your face! Have at you!]
Oh, fantastic! I'll pop the kettle on, you get the biscuits!
Dude, I love the Street Fighter movie.
Van Damme and Raul Julia chewing scenery for an hour and a half? Count me in!
[... That's... Impossible!]
Nah, not really.
[OK, OK, I was just testing the waters. Take this, punk!]
Oof. This one's bad. Like, I couldn't even get through it the first time.
[Yes, yes! Now you know what it's like! You're gonna watch this movie and-]
Oh, but we can't watch it today.
Well, you were upset that last year's game was already done by the internet, right?
Sadly, Double Dragon has already been done by the internet. I think that one guy did it.
[Bollocks. Which one?]
You know, Shouty McWavehands.
[Oh. I see. In that case, I'll just give up and GET A LOAD OF THIS]
Oh, fuck you. Fuck you.
[Hahaha! Rattled your cage now, haven't I, you rotten little animal?]
God-damnit. I thought I was done with this piece of shit when I went to see it at the cinema.
[Pfffftttahahaha, you what?!]
I hoped against hope that it wouldn't be crap. I put money on it to not be crap, and it was still crap.
Well, I can't escape my destiny. Haven't seen this one done much. I'll pop the kettle on, then, what you having?
[What makes you think I'm watching it with you?]
You've got nothing better to do tonight.
[... You're right. Besides, I can't take any glee in this if I'm not arou-]
[Hang on, what was that? I can't even read it...]
I... Don't know? I think our site mascot's taken over?
Readers at home will have to click the image to make it readable, but it's definitely... A thing?
[There it is again! Oh, thank Christ, let's just see where this goes instead.]
But what about all this revenge stuff you were so adamant on doing?
[We're subverting the old 'hey, i'm trying to do a review here, do you mind' cliche as seen on every YouTube video ever.]
I don't think that's how this joke works. Anyway, sounds like the kettle's done. What's your poison this evening, sir?
[I require some 'Mmmmm' tea. Maximum 'Mmmmm'. And a nice Bourbon biscuit. Just in my hand, though, no plate.]
You will have a plate, young man, for your biscuit. I won't have any crumbs.
[Won't you let me have any fun?]
No. Your tea, and your biscuit, avec plate.
[Oh, here's the next one. This is going in a weird direction, who's Sniper Honey?]
You haven't met her yet? She's... Well, she's a bit of a recluse. Like the secret character of the site.
Apparently she's hidden herself on a few pages... But no-one's ever seen her, I'm certain.
[I thought I was the secret character?]
Nah. If this site was a fighting game, she'd be the ultra-secret character, you're the one no-one plays as. Not quite the same.
She's Sarah's friend at any rate, and she's... Nah, you won't like me saying it.
[Spit it out.]
She reminds me a lot of you.
Well, you asked, so I told you. And look, the plot thickens!
[Wait, whoa, hold on...]
You don't like where this is going?
[... Not really. It sounds like they're going for something very similar to another well-known Comipo project...]
I don't follow.
[I didn't expect you to.]
Oh, here they are again. Huh. I didn't know her middle name was Suzannah.
Man, I'm trying to read this, what is your deal today?
[They're gonna rip off that one comic you read! With the Kawaii-whatevers! They can't do that, we'll be sued!]
Ahaha, oh shit, they got your number! Hang on, there's more...
Well, lots of heart went into this, clearly. You should pick up some April Fools' Day tips from them, Ed. Gotta up your game next time.
... Oh. Hi there. Well played, I must say. This was much better than the garbage Ed usually comes up with for April Fools' Day.
Although perhaps if people aren't familiar with the strongest webcomic, they might not get it...
Still. Gave me a laugh. Solid work.
[... You got me, you little rotters. I admit defeat, That's what you wanted to hear, ri-]
[Whoa, whoa, Hang on! You tea-leaf!]
[That's my Alice Margatroid cup Sniper Honey's got! Thief! Give it back!]
Shots fired! Ahahaha, that's fantastic!
[Ahhh!! They've cut the signal off! God, who would do something like that? Steal someone's favourite tea-cup?]
That'll teach you to nick my Denby cup.
Anyway, with that out the way, I do believe we have a movie to watch?
[Ugh, do we have to?]
One hour and thirty-six minutes later...
[HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING I LOVE THIS FILM]
[I TOLD YOU IT WAS GREAT, RAUL JULIA HAMMIN' IT UP, SCENERY-CHEWING AND ALL]
["I'M THE REPO MAN... AND YOU'RE OUT OF BUSINESS" I LOVE IT AND 'QUICK, CHANGE THE CHANNEL' AW YEAH]
[AND THE BISON DOLLARS, DUDE, THE BISON DOLLARS]
[WE SHOULD TOTALLY WATCH MORTAL KOMBAT NEXT]
["THOSE WERE FIVE-HUNDRED DOLLAR SUNGLASSES, ASSHOLE" YES LET'S GO]
All's well that ends well, I suppose? See you next April Fools, Ed!