Ooh, plot exposition time! Between Round 2 and 3, you get this little cut-scene of, uh, someone with really long fingernails looking at a crystal ball and, um, continuing to look at it. Perhaps if I'd looked any of this up, this would probably be understandable to me... Although I'd say Fingernail Lady probably crapped herself when she saw Jupiter on her little ball. Everyone knows she's totally hardcore. As it stands, it don't make a lick of sense. Let's move on to the sewers!
... But not before we see this little regional difference- there's actual dialogue in the Japanese version!
Ha har, I lied! Round 3 doesn't take place in a sewer at all! Instead, it's actually on yet another generic street in Anyoldtown, Japan, but if you didn't see this screenshot, which shows that it's actually outside, you wouldn't know. The background looks so sewer-esque that you really do think it is a sewer. A sewer with doors, yes, but still very sewer-like. It's not, though. Let us make no mistake about that. I'm glad we clarified this point.
Round 3 is a lot like Round 2, which was similar to Round 1, which in turn was similar to every other scrolling brawler ever made, but let's at least try to maintain a little enthusiasm. One important thing to note here is that there's a new enemy... Kastol?! From Round 1?! That's right, it's the good ol' 'boss character becomes a normal enemy' trick, but done even quicker! Man, this game's really gunning for the quickest enemy-introduction-to-palette-swap-clone turnover, is it not? In any case, without her partner, Kastol (and the many, many palette-swapped clones of her that you'll encounter) is a little less deadly, but she gains an electricity attack which is short-range and does a fair bit of damage.
In light of this, Jupiter decides on a different approach here; reasoning with the enemy and being all sweet-mannered about it.
... And when that doesn't work, she goes back to her old cantankerous ways.
Actually, they're the same attack, but this keyboard monkey's employing a bit of journalistic trickery. Not very nice, is it?
Actually, I was trying to get your good side, before I realised it didn't exist. Now shush.
After a little bit of hot vertical scrolling action (indeed, the only such action in the game) the game continues as it's always done, i.e. throwing loads of palette swaps at you. While we're here, though, another thing to point out, in case you're colour-blind or something, is that the palette swaps are amazingly subtle palette swaps. The colours chosen all seem so similar that they don't really feel that different. That's sort-of the point of a palette swap, to give the player the illusion of more variety in the enemies. If you've been looking at the screenshots so far, you might get what I mean. It's really hard to explain, if I'm honest, but...
Well then, why bother mentioning it at all, if you can't explain it? Try to use your common sense.
I said shush. This review's difficult enough as it is, lady.
Anyway, there's a ripped fence here, and that can only mean one thing; Jupiter must sally forth and find out what's on the other side.
She finds... The junkyard! Of course! It's a breeding ground for vermin, naturally.
No time for thinking about where we're fighting, though. Jupiter begins her assault on the vile residents of this stench-filled cesspool, and goodness me, they're exactly the same as those that have come before. Y-a-a-a-w-n. I expected better, Gazelle. I'm still amazed, personally, that I have the audacity to even give each section of this game one screenshot, let alone two... However, one of these screenshots is interesting. As we can see in the left screen, Jupiter's 'death-from-above' attack is actually more effective on groups rather than one-on-one; If you use it on the enemy at the front of the group, she'll knock down all the others like a line of dominoes. Checkmate! The junkyard is very short, however, and as soon as you end up by a huge pile of discarded TVs, then you've reached the end, and it's time for a Boss Fight!
The next challenger, Kyulene, appears. Is she ready to be hospitalised?
Sigh. Another one to send home in a body bag. Where do they find these losers?
Ah, fresssssh meat! Come closer, my dear, your neck looks awfully succul-
I really don't have time for this nonsense. Get ready to die, foul demon.
Wait a minute now... You're the one we were warned about, aren't you? The violent brunette?!
I'm not sure that's possible, really. No-one who encounters me lives long enough to warn anyone else.
Kyulene manages to outclass Morga in terms of annoyance, because she spends half her time floating around and staying out of your reach. She spends the other half of her time drop-kicking you. On the plus side, she can't corner-combo you to death, but at least you could actually hit Morga every now and then. The dozen or so bats that float around her don't actually do anything, they're just, well, there. On the plus side, she doesn't have any flunkies by her side. If the floating around isn't enough proof that Kyulene is a complete wimp, when she's had enough of a thrashing and she's down to half-health, she'll make a strategic retreat which only serves to increase Jupiter's rage
Huh? Where do you think you're going?!
Oh come on. Fight like a real woman and get your ass back here! Yes, Kyulene decides to run with her tail between her legs, flies away like a total pussy, and seems to think that she's safe on top of this tower. There's absolutely no way Jupiter can up here. Not-gonna-happen. No way, no how. It's not like she can, I dunno, teleport or anything along those lines. Nope, she can't do that! Teleporting is beyond Jupiter's power.
... Isn't it?
Nice try. For this insolence, I'm gonna make sure I break all of your limbs, rather than just the two I was planning on snapping.
Well played, Sailor Jupiter. Well played.
And so the fight continues, exactly the same as it was. Well, there is one difference, she gets back-up from the trolls. Unfortunately, she forgot to take into account the fact that Jupiter's already seen the trolls, and they only make her angrier and therefore stronger. That said, the troll count gets extremely high if you leave if unchecked, and they can be really annoying. Some of them even exhibit symptoms of Running Fat Guy Syndrome. This is, of course, a very serious affliction, but one that's easily remedied by being kicked in the face a few times. Aside from this, the fight goes on as it ever did, i.e. slowly and dragged out for far too long.
Ohoho, I almost feel bad about killing these guys. Almost. It's like picking on a painfully stupid child. Ah, if I only I had a little guilt.
To the school! No, really, I'm not lying this time.